Free Resource
Four sessions of questions for any group reading Flipping the Iceberg together. Free to print and use with your book club, small group, class, church group, or two friends and a kitchen table.
Four sessions, about an hour each, roughly a quarter of the book per session. Each one has a reading, a set of questions, one thing to do before the next meeting, and a closing line to read out loud.
Two ground rules worth stating at the start of your first meeting, because they change what people are willing to say:
This guide is educational. It is not therapy and not a substitute for professional care. If something surfaces that's bigger than the group, that's a sign to talk to a licensed professional, and it's a good sign, not a failure.
The Four Sessions
Reading: through the first chapters, finding your iceberg and healing first.
Go around the room: think of one relationship that broke your heart. You don't have to say whose it was. Just say how old you were.
Fill out the free Map Your Own Iceberg worksheet on one recent, ordinary moment of tension. Bring it, or bring just what you're willing to say about it.
Read out loud to close: "Like the Titanic, ignoring what's beneath the surface can be catastrophic. Even the unsinkable among us can break, and healing is always possible when you learn from the storm."
Reading: the chapters on limiting beliefs, mindset, and expectations.
Everyone says one sentence they heard growing up that they now realize they believed for years.
Catch yourself in one negative loop and run Halt, Acknowledge, Shift on it in the moment. Write down what happened, including if it didn't work.
Read out loud to close: "You can shift from a suffering state to a beautiful state, but not by pretending. By deciding what the thought gets to do next."
Reading: the chapters on intuition, needs, and choosing love.
Everyone stands up and says out loud, to the room: "I love myself. I am worthy. I deserve it." Then sit down and talk about which of the three was hardest to say.
Whichever of the three statements caught in your throat, say it out loud to yourself every morning this week. Notice whether it changes.
Read out loud to close: "You cannot intentionally love somebody else until you can intentionally love yourself."
Reading: finish the book. Bring anything you underlined.
One sentence each: what's different about how you see your own patterns than when you started this book?
Groups that want to work this further usually move to the workbook, which turns every chapter into a guided exercise, or the four-week workshop, which runs in person and live online with Charisse. The second book, After You Say I Do, picks up where the wedding ends.
Read out loud to close: "You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved. No matter what has happened in your life."
Running a Group
Yes. Print it, copy it, and use it with your book club, class, small group, or church group. Everyone in the group will need their own copy of the book, which is how this stays free.
Yes. Email Charisse with how many you need and what the group is, and she'll sort it out with you directly.
Sometimes, yes, in person or by video depending on where you are and what's on her calendar. Ask her.
It happens, and it isn't a problem with your group. Let the person decide whether to keep going or step out, don't press them to explain, and don't try to fix it. If what surfaced is bigger than a book club, encourage them toward a licensed professional. That's the right outcome, not a failed meeting.
Yes, and many do. One caution worth saying in the room: understanding your own patterns does not mean taking responsibility for someone else's behavior. Share only what feels safe.
