A Book for Anyone Tired of the Same Pattern
The 2 secrets you need to know before you say I do, drawn from a framework built on real experience, not theory. What you see in a relationship is only 10% of the story. This shows you the other 90%.
Book Reader Reviews
“amazing insights in discovering one's compatibility with a potential spouse through honesty and genuineness, while flipping the iceberg of one's personality that lies beneath, helping one to enjoy longer lasting relationships”
Dave“Definitely recommend if you’re looking to improve your relationship with yourself and others. I really appreciated both the introspection it gave me and the ideas on how to look and love others.”
Papa J“Helps you think differently about preparing and setting expectations in a relationship. It also reframes how you can take ownership for your own past and behaviors you are bringing forward.”
Anonymous“Great reflections and ideas on making sure you understand wants vs needs. Evaluation of goals and relationships. Highly recommend”
Anonymous“Charisse is amazing at sharing her thoughts and experiences. I’m a fan.”
Tracy“I’ve already learned how much unresolved hurt, fear, and past experiences can affect the way we see ourselves and our relationships. Flipping the Iceberg gave me practical tools to recognize what was happening beneath the surface and begin healing the issues I had carried with me.
Because of what I’ve learned, I feel more prepared to choose a partner based on shared values, emotional health, and genuine compatibility, not simply attraction or potential. This book has helped me grow into a healthier person and given me a stronger foundation for creating the kind of lasting relationship and marriage I want in the future. I would recommend it to any young adult who wants to heal, grow, and make wiser choices in love.”
JackThe Idea Behind the Book
The rest, the truth, was hidden underneath. Every relationship pattern that keeps repeating has a reason. It's just never the reason that's visible above the waterline.
The charm. The chemistry. The way things click at first. This is the 10% everyone else can see, and it's the part every other relationship book stops at.
The beliefs. The wounds. The patterns learned so early they feel like personality instead of programming. This is the 90% that actually decides how the relationship goes, and it's where Flipping the Iceberg starts.
Two Books, Two Moments
The work is the same either way: discover and flip your own icebergs first, then flip the person you're dating or marrying. What changes is where you're standing when you start.
"I knew at the altar. I said yes anyway."
For anyone who hasn't committed yet: single, dating someone, or engaged. You discover and flip your own icebergs, then learn to flip the iceberg of the person you're dating or marrying, while you still have every option open.
Available now. Paperback and Kindle, $19.99.
"Our first fight was on our honeymoon. I said we had a great marriage and meant the opposite."
For married couples. The iceberg didn't disappear when you said yes, it just started showing up differently, in the daily arguments and the old habits. Same two steps, aimed at the marriage you're already in.
Coming next. Preorder at $15.99, companion workbook included.
Divorced and rebuilding? Start with The Rebuild Check, a free eleven question check built for women on the other side of a marriage. Then book one. Finding your own iceberg is the same work, and Charisse wrote it from the other side of her own divorce.
Who This Book Is For
Flipping the Iceberg welcomes people at many stages of life and relationships.
Inside the Book
Childhood memories, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and how trauma quietly rewrites what you believe you deserve. This chapter helps you find the shape of your own iceberg before you try to flip it.
From innocent kisses to painful betrayals, you'll reflect on how early experiences shape your emotional responses and influence who you let in or push away.
Like the Titanic, ignoring what's beneath the surface can be catastrophic. This chapter helps you begin the journey of self-discovery by exposing your subconscious wounds.
You'll learn how unmet needs like safety, belonging, and esteem silently stunt emotional maturity and contribute to self-sabotage in adult relationships.
Through real-life stories and psychological insight, this chapter helps you reframe your pain and understand its ripple effects in your adult life.
You’ll explore strategies for confronting or releasing past hurts, journaling with intention, and recognizing the power of perspective in rewriting your story.
With metaphors like the Titanic and personal stories of pain and resilience, you’ll find hope, tools, and inspiration to redefine your narrative and step into your next chapter stronger.
How subconscious programming runs the same negative thought loop on repeat, and how to shift from suffering to actually deciding what happens next.
Drawing from Amanda Gore’s teaching and Maslow’s Hierarchy, you’ll explore how foundational fears of unworthiness, unsafety, and isolation influence your identity and relationships.
You’ll discover how to spot the inner critic, rewrite negative thought loops, and adopt empowering beliefs through the HAS method (Halt, Acknowledge, Shift).
Using tools inspired by Tony Robbins and personal stories, this chapter shows how to escape victim thinking and cultivate gratitude, peace, and purpose, even when life feels out of control.
You'll see how self-doubt leads to settling for less, and how cultivating confidence, emotional resilience, and authenticity helps you attract the right partner.
You'll learn to focus energy where it matters, letting go of what you can’t control so you can show up powerfully in your relationships, work, and healing journey.
Whether it’s a moment from childhood, a dating mistake, or a painful relationship, this chapter helps you own your story, heal your mindset, and build a foundation for love that lasts.
The gut-heart-brain connection, how to tell fear apart from real wisdom, and how to strengthen the instinct you already have but haven't trusted yet.
You'll explore the science behind intuition and how your body processes information faster than your conscious mind, often alerting you to danger or misalignment before your thoughts catch up.
You'll learn to distinguish between instinctual reactions based on fear and intuitive insights rooted in wisdom, helping you make clearer, more empowered decisions.
Through real-life examples and personal stories, you’ll reflect on how societal pressure, logic, or desire can silence your inner voice and what happens when we stop listening.
You’ll see how intuition impacts everything from creative problem-solving to avoiding toxic relationships and why following your inner voice is vital to success and well-being.
The chapter encourages daily exercises like noticing gut feelings, following internal nudges, and reflecting on past decisions to develop trust in your inner guidance.
You'll gain insight on how others' perspectives can help you spot red flags you might be blind to, and how humility and openness can protect you from repeating old patterns.
Why Charisse
Flipping the Iceberg brings together Charisse's lived experience and years of teaching students, managing employees, studying relationships and human behavior, and coaching people.
Her own experiences inform a compassionate approach to recognizing patterns and making more intentional relationship choices.
Years of teaching students, managing employees, studying, and coaching people shape the practical guidance she shares.
She wrote this first as advice to her own children. It's now for anyone who's tired of meeting a different person and ending up in the same relationship.
Your Next Step
Explore the beliefs, expectations, and patterns beneath your relationships, beginning with yourself.
Get the BookOr buy it on Amazon.
Ten questions, three minutes, no email required. It tells you how much of your relationship you can actually see, and names what you've been looking past.
For singles, people dating, engaged couples, and a separate one for married couples.
Take the Free CheckBring a conversation about self-understanding and relationships to your organization or event.
Speaking OpportunitiesInterested in future workshops or group coaching? Email Charisse to ask about upcoming plans.
